I ponder… what does it truly mean to be authentic? But I then immediately went to all the years I had not been authentic, true to myself. I find it funny that many of us are wired to go to the negative aspect of our values first. Just possibly that’s what happens to us as we go to school and then enter the world of business. We are criticized, corrected and contained. The 3 year old (our inner child) who’s being completely authentic and uninhibited, turns into a pleaser as we grow older attempting to get the good grades, do well in sports and music and have a lot of friends. Then off to the world of business, trying to fit into the corporate culture, please my boss and teammates and busting my ass to complete my assignments in a timely fashion. I became a role. I was actually wearing a “mask”. Hiding my true identity. I became a pleaser of others. I had lost sight of my inner child, my authentic self.
I sincerely believe that the truth will set you free. But when I was trying to fit in at all costs, I was not being truthful. I was not being honest with myself. But what was I afraid of anyway? As I began doing human potential workshops (in my 40’s) on my path to self-discovery I realized I had a major fear of abandonment. That fear was pervasive throughout most of my child & much of my adulthood. It became a part of my operating system. I had to fit in at all costs. But what were those costs? One was my inner child. That was a real cost! As I continued to work on my fear of abandonment I realized I truly needed to nurture that inner child, my spirit, my soul! It may come out as this spontaneous humorous person, participating in a drumming circle, dancing like no one’s watching or just deciding to take a nap. Kinda sounds like a 3 year old doesn’t it?! So, the work continues today. There is no finish line. I continue to uncover my deepest desires and dreams. So, that has become my lifelong quest, my journey…to become clearer on who I am and how I want to be (& will) show up on this world!
“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”